Japan Consulate Trip (Seoul) : Part I

Nice to Meet You Again, Ayako!

Some Truth in Advertising Today!

Experience a "New Type of Savory- WOW!"

Max ordered Semi-Nude

But Not Interested in Salad

He Kept his Eyes on his Prize: BEER

Today was one of those rough and tumble days spent on Korean mass transit. People say it's the most affordable in the world, but I'm not going to say that it is the most convenient or comfortable ;) Like a Shakespearean play, our day was full of ups and downs, twists and turns, and was very very tiring.

And this is just part 1. Max and I return to the crowds and smog tomorrow!

The consulate was pretty terrible. Unlike the sparkling ones back home (I think the Portland consulate was pretty nice? Or maybe I have only ever seen Consulate events and the Korean Consulate in Seattle, which is also nice. I had no trouble bringing my documents, but then it was Max's turn. Now, we're not applying for anything like a working visa for him, just family, and we have all our marriage documents. Somehow he mentioned that he will be doing some online classes, and suddenly the immigration officer got all hung up about how he had to have documentation about the online class.

Wait, I thought the point was to prove that we were married?

Hmph.

So we trekked from the Consulate through Insadong, crowds, smog that gave me hives, to a PC-bang where Max registered for fall classes, printed an enrollment letter, and printed his online schedule for the Fall term.

So, guys who are going with your sugar mommas to Japan: you should prove that you are doing something manly-like: working, studying, or being a "man." Just a word of wisdom. But it's bureaucracy. Although we probably would have been able to work it out somehow, it's just easier if you can prove right away exactly what you will be doing in Japan, and that we will have the visas worked out before we depart.

I hope you enjoyed the pictures at least. I feel so much better after the rant ^.^

It's a happy ending: the consulate got evidence that Max is a man, and is getting ready to be employed someday, and we will be able to pick up our visas tomorrow! :) The sad part is that I have to do all that mass transit, smog, and crowds again.

In happy news, I was able to see a student from my old school, who is more of a friend, and she came with us to Nangdaemun bazaar. And a bazaar it was. I'm going back again tomorrow. I will take photos... the bead floor was amazing! A single floor was as big as a warehouse, like those traveling bead shows that happen once a year in my hometown- except the bazaar happens everyday. Very awesome. Except, in the whole mess, I couldn't find any Japanese beads except maybe Tohos. I was wanting some Czech seed beads and Miyuki Delicas. They have plenty of crystals and fancy goods, though!

We wrapped it up with more subways, stairs, and a hamburger at KrazE Burger. Best burger I've had so far here, although it doesn't compare to a big wad of high quality beef from the supermarket fried in a pan. It came reasonably close though ^.^ I had the King Ring Burger.

I saw a big Teenie Weenie (the store I mentioned in a previous blog!) . It was just in passing, so I didn't get a picture.

And a bus numbered 420.

The end.

Nattoking.com

So I love Natto. The first few times I had it, it only really stood out as being slimy and a bit unappetizing to the western palate. But now I find myself craving the stuff. Natto is a fermented soybean dish. Soy is a rather controversial "health" food.

It contains phytoestrogens which are plant estrogens. People say this may either help or exacerbate hormonally influenced cancers such as that of the breast, prostate, and other issues. But phytoestrogens also tend to be weaker than say, BPA, and are also more natural in our hormone binding sites than those made of petrochemicals. For this reason soy milk may be recommended or shunned by some. These are of supposedly lesser concentrations in fermented soy dishes (soy sauce, tempeh, natto) while other beneficial compounds are present in natto.

The compound is, namely, nattokinase. This enzyme can help you digest food and in vitro studies is able to dissolve blood clots so could be recommended for people with high cholesterol or blood pressure. You can now buy the enzyme as a supplement! However, I say, why not fill yourself up with this common Japanese breakfast food, get some protein-enzymes-and gentle probiotics--keep yourself regular (both in your guts and in your veins) and eat natto!

Despite sensitivities to some probiotics, I've found that the small portions that natto is served in does not cause any bother to my digestive system and it's darn addictive. In the U.S. it's likely to be available at only asian specialty markets, and is sold in small styrofoam containers. So my love natto is generating a lot of plastic waste! I found Nattoking.com today doing a search on how to make it myself, and considering that it takes me 24 hours to defrost the natto I buy at the asian market, only 24 hours of fermentation and 24 hours of aging is needed to make delicious natto at home. why not give it a try. You can also bypass the MSG that is added to most commercially produce natto (although I have found brands that don't contain it)

See www.nattoking.com for the method. I'll let you know if it works to make good natto.

いい部屋ネット/Good Room Network

My hometown is surrounded by many nurseries. I've heard even a lot of Japanese maples are supplied from Oregon.

Crown Melons are Famous in Fukuroi, Japan, sister city of my hometown in Oregon

http://www.eheya.net/

If you want to know something about living expenses in Japan, you can check out apartment costs at that site. Which is kind of fun. Even though depending on the program/employer you lprobably don't get to pick your first apartment.

I caught a cold and it is not fun. Tomona will be here on Saturday and I wanted to be bright eyed, bushytailed, and excited to meet her but looks like I'm just struggling to survive this week. Luckily it is just a cold, there hasn't been a fever involved, so that says something about the severity. The congestion has been keeping me from sleeping well which is making all the difference.

Grumble grumble.

I can't wait for acupuncture because I know one day I had aches and pains and felt all stiff and as soon as it was over I felt wonderful. That's on Thursday.

No word back from the requirements committee.

My net -interview with the ALT company went well, although talking on skype is darn hard. My connection is no good and a lot of the conversation tends to get garbled up. Anyway, excited about my interview with them over the break and looked at the positions in Aichi and Shizuoka. All of them look like they're in really awesome places.

The most interesting to me is one in Mori, Japan which is by Fukuroi, Shizuoka. Fukuroi is my city's sister city and their relationship began in November 1988. My birthday, year and all! It's like I am the patron saint of the Fukuroi-Hillsboro sister city relationship! I'd definitely love to get that post sometime... and would definitely love to live in a rural place.

Anywayyy didn't get the interview information e-mail so I'll be getting back to them about that... so far so good except for this darn cold (and all the catch-up I'm going to be playing... good thing Tomona is coming and we can do the reading together, it will be good for her English and good for my Japanese)

One More Girl

Project focusing on the negative effects of Gardasil:

THEY ARE CURRENTLY FUNDRAISING to make a DOCUMENTARY FILM: (yay)

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1995527181/one-more-girl-documentary

They're fundraising and need a certain amount by April in order to get the movie made. I say one less shot of Gardasil and One MORE girl. Thank goodness I'm on the mend. Must be forever grateful because I never know when the horrible feelins will come back. I'll probably try to donate some. Why not donate an hour's pay... maybe it can save another girl all the hours I spent suffering. Compared to some I've hardly had it half bad. But the point is that it's preventable and young girls who did not ask for this are being willingly subjected to the roulette of whether they will be one of the millions who are unaffected, or if they will experience the negative effects.

Respect the Schedule

Haha.

Well got my first rejection today. Il'd like to believe it's not a true rejection... because the page said they had a strict deadline those wanting to work for them have to be diploma-ed by the 10th of June. Unfortunately I won't be "graduated" until the 13th of June... although my last classes are this term and I'll technically be graduated at the end of this one.

Bureaucracy!!!

So... just like America's Next Top Model I'l just apply for other stuff and remember that there is a new cycle coming up and I will be fully and legitimately diploma-ed and still have all my experience by that point. Just have to keep working hard.

There is also a small job in Aichi-prefecture that I would like to apply to. I wrote a cover letter in Japanese today but I'm kind of worried about it. I know it's probably not near perfect. And there are some things I'd like to add. They just relisted the job... which means they haven't found anyone yet ;) And boy would I love to go back to Aichi.

So there are at least three places to apply to right now... they're always really vague about when they want workers to start... but I know Amity and Aeon is usually about 6-12 months after you apply...

We'll see. I'll keep you posted.

Ballet and Yoga is going really well. My strength is coming back quickly. I'd like to do a pre-pointe class and maybe even start to dance on pointe again. I'm such a water person though... always rushing... definitely hate taking things one step at a time. I'm working on it.

Electrosmog

http://emf.mercola.com/sites/emf/archive/2009/07/30/4-steps-to-reduce-electrosmog-in-your-bedroom.aspx

Yes... I know it's Mercola.com.

But you can't help but scratch your head when you listen to the points and think about the biology. After all, how can humans be so pompous as to even assume that we know everything about the workings of the universe. I know I feel awful if I sit around a computer all day. It didn't bother me when I was a kid... but thinking about how fast things are changing I remember a book I read in high school called "Future Shock." I think it is plausible that at the pace society is changing and adapting new technologies knowing nothing of long-term effects... is dangerous and unprecedented. But there's your rant for the day. I can't write coherently or in depth, I'm quite tired and classes have got me pretty busy. Luckily I have acupuncture today. Down to one appointment a week and holding my own pretty well in the interim between appointments. Much better than before. I attribute it to being out of the house and away from computers more.

Other crazy, but worthwhile topics include geopathic stress. But I really think that the technology explosion is something that should be looked into. If I were still in science I would look into it but now the only position I can take is journalistic.

Happy pondering.

Acupuncture, Beads, and Ballet

So I'm loving acupuncture. I get instant relief everytime I go. Not all my problems are gone, but there have been so many it wouldn't be realistic to expect an instant cure and especially without addressing the emotional stuff the problems stirred up in me. I got a funky little bruise on one of the points this time, but i was having fluish body aches all week and sinus symptoms... and the treatment with moxibustion was instant relief for the pain... and even a little bit for the sinus stuff. I think I'm allergic to my birds. Always get tingling and some "anxiety" symptoms during treatment. The energy balance is just stubborn I suppose.

_______________

Having a lot of fun with beads, but gotta get up throughout the day. I feel yukky if I sit around too much.

_______________

Thinking of starting up in ballet again. Looking back giving up ballet back in h.s. was a difficult thing for me. I didn't miss the competition, but I think the physical activity and core focus was really important and kept me healthy throughout my youth. It was after I quit ballet that I started going downhill. I guess for me it's sort of like yoga. I'm doing a little bit of that too, but there's nothing like the feeling I used to get when I was a kid and I could just melt into the music. I'm starting to stretch in prep for it. I remember all the technique and what my body is supposed to be able to do but know that my ankle and core strength and flexibility are definitely not what they used to be (flexibility has always been a problem) I'll talk to my parents about it over Christmas, otherwise I'll just have to figure out a way to pay for it. And it's good, it's sort of on a pay as you go system at Ballet Fantastique in Eugene. You can pay for 20 classes... which takes off the pressure of having to make it to every class in case there is a big paper, exam, or reading assignment.

Here's the clincher though, I stopped ballet in h.s. to take difficult classes, when in reality the physical activity probably would have helped me better cope with the stress of the classes. So I guess this is an early New Year's resolution to go back to ballet. I'll miss prancing on pointe now but I guess that is something spared for my feet in my "old age." ;)

_______________

My school friend Tomona is likely coming at the end of February into March. I'm looking forward to the girl time after sort of getting stuck in Eugene with boys only. Haha boys only talking in Korean. Gotta admit it gets on my nerves sometimes when I can't understand anything. Or I understand and I'm just a mute because I can't express myself intelligibly in Korean. I can get my point across with confidence in Japanese but I've got a huge mental block for Korean. I don't know why. We'll see what happens when I get back to Korean class in January, and see what happens since my Japanese friends in Eugene (Tomona, and my student) both study Korean. They'll be excited to work on it... haha BUTTTT *ahem* I'd like to keep it in English or Japanese. Ugggh I hope then Max will know the frustration I feel. But if (WHEN) I relocate to Japan for work he'll definitely get it real close. He's so maddeningly easygoing at times I'm sure he'll adjust great.

Finals Week!

Finals Week!

Well, technically my finals week (and my term) has been over since Monday... but Max (my husband) won't be done with his finals until about noon on Friday. That means my "best friend" is busy all week and I have "no one to play with." Haha it's definitely testing me. His brother is visiting. I meant to write a long blog to celebrate making it to December, to be my first December blog, but some other things I wanted to put in my blog beat me to it.

I'm going to take the plunge and try acupuncture. It's supposed to help with anxiety, nausea, and chest pain~~ I figure there's nothing I can loose. My insurance covers some of it... I found an Ac. near my campus so it will be easy to keep with the schedule even if school starts. And if my benefits run out there is a community acupuncture clinic where the fee is based on how much you earn, which for me, is nothing. I like that. I really like naturopathy, but it's much more expensive and so far, alone, has not given me results. There's a free consultation that I'm going to next week, to tell them about what's been going on...

Maxy's brother has been here for more than a week. Unfortunately we haven't really clicked yet... I really want things to go well... this last attack (the anxiety and feeling sick) took a lot of my confidence away and I'm not feeling in the outgoing sort of mood. More like "gosh I just want to recuperate and hope this doesn't happen again." He just doesn't seem that interested in trying anything new. But I suppose he's probably here to see Max more than anything, so it's normal he doesn't seem to care? I gave him a bunch of English study books but he's watching Korean dramas and cooking Korean food all day... and speaking Korean all day (I can't understand a thing of what's going on in my own house... or when I can understand it's like I'm mute because I can't speak Korean (yet?) ) And doing Korean boy things like drinking and smoking (not in the house, of course).

So now I'm feeling homesick in my own house! I don't want to feel this way... and I feel like a lot of it is my fault but I don't really know how to get things in motion. I'm getting pretty hungry... the boys LOVE greasy food... eggs, sausage, strange fried noodle concoctions, and even stews, salads covered in mayonnaise~~~ and FISHY food. If it doesn't smell like a pier it's not worth their attention. I've tried to cook a few times (my best recipes)... chicken marsala, enchiladas, nachos de Malia, vegetables with sweet and sour chicken... and just get slightly disappointed vibes everytime. But I myself get slightly disappointed everytime the food is greasy because I know I am going to feel awful if I eat it. And when you know you're going to feel awful then nothing really tastes good even if it really does (who doesn't LOVE greasy food? I love it, but...) I can't communicate that because 1)I feel rude 2) I feel embarassed

When is it safe for someone to put their foot down?

He did pick out a movie for us to watch together (haha I wouldn't have picked it myself but it was all right~~~) "Enchanted"... I missed that one when it was in the theaters. I think the best recent Disney movie was the Princess and the Frog. And Ratatouille. Haha for some reason I can watch Ratatouille again and again. I guess the food divide is the most exhausting, because every meal requires so much thought "What SHOULD we eat?" "Who should cook?" "Am I going to be able to eat it?" haha and... "Is this going to require a base of fish broth???" He was also a good sport and went to play tennis with me one day... a day with a rare break in the clouds! Rare for Oregon! Speaking of which, today is clear! I'm gonna get my butt down to the mall to get a haircut! (my hair is are falling out like crazy.)

Almost Normal

Almost normal today. Rough start as usual... still night sweaty but no panic last night (with the help of Ativan...)

Met with my functional doc and we'll try magnesium, 5-HTP, taurine, and l-threonine and see if that helps. I sure hope so. Today was almost normal. I'll leave it there before I start thinking of what might happen.

Then I found out I might get fired because I reduced my course load this term and in the heat of it all forgot to sound the alarm to the bureaucratic workings of the university... don't know what I'll do without my job... it's the only thing I have going for me. I guess I can show up to the job and just tell them to go ahead and not pay me. It's not like I quit my classes because I caught a cold or just decided I didn't want to take the classes... hopefully it can get sorted out. I really hope so.

Today I registered for three classes for next term. That is Japanese 4th year speaking part II, Korean 1st year part two (I really need to bite the bullet and learn Korean... I can understand a lot of speaking but can't express anything myself), and an Honors College Lit class. If I'm going to be stuck at uni for another year then I might as well just stay to write a thesis and finish the honors college classes despite my aversion.

Korean is pretty hard at my school... it's pretty project, activity, and memorization oriented but class is really the only thing that motivates me to study it even though I really want to learn so I can communicate with my husband's family. Japanese class really isn't that way... even when there are projects they are no way near as intense.

Look at that. I'm writing about something other than feeling sick. That must mean something is getting a little better.

But I'm really bent out of shape worrying if I will loose my job... I think my situation warrants and exception to the bureaucratic rule mumbo jumbo. I'd feel so guilty telling my student "I can't meet you anymore, I've been feeling sick, doctors can't tell me why, but I'm working on it... though I had to drop some classes..."... because I really like her and she thought highly enough of me to request me as a tutor this term. I suppose I would ask permission if I could just continue to tutor her without pay... if they want to stick to the rules that hard. But I really couldn't continue the classes. The first 4 weeks of school were just nuts and then the most recent 4 weeks have been more insanity and trying to recover. Even without studying though, I got 67 on my first bio exam and 65 on my first physics exams. I do know that I would've never been able to make it through looking at what the weeks since I dropped the classes have been like.

I thought I would have made a good doctor or naturopath. Or both. But I'm just not cut out for the bureaucratic requirements, course requirements, grade expectations. I don't function that way anymore. I can get through in subjects I have innate ability in such as foreign language (but that isn't so good because I have little contact with friends now... it's the horrible feeling of being an outsider in your own life...) My Japanese would be so much better but I haven't been able to go to International Coffee Hour once this term (the most lively meetings are the first in the term anyway, it peters out toward the end when the same old faces and same old groups of friends come together... much harder to get in to get to know people, maybe it's just something I imagine but it does feel harder when everyone already knows who they like to get drunk with on the weekend...) And I can't even keep up with the exchange students when I am feeling healthy... feel like you gotta be the one to initiate everything... they don't have the same course load (although I am sympathetic to the issues of adjustment, cultural differences, and perhaps not feeling comfortable just asking people to do things... they are out of their element... having a lot of fun... but still out of their elements)

Proof that I was happy once? Jan 1st, 2007, Ichinomiya, Aichi, Japan OSHOGATSU

And maybe deep down this whole time I really have just wanted to go back to Japan, or at least in my area of passion. Although I cannot say that I am not passionate about wanting to help people and see more right than wrong in this world, or at least look at the medical issues from different perspectives. There's deep conflict in my personality and ambitions... maybe it's because I'm two star-signs? But they sort of work together. Sagittarius/Scorpio. Sagittarius is always on the move and looking for action... and Scorpio is intense, vengeful, and perceptive. But I'll just have to put those things behind me. But I don't see how those elements couldn't work together.

Sorry about the wonky formatting... I couldn't figure out how to do away with the underline.

Cautiously optimistic that this might be turning around, cautiously. That does not mean that I am not freaked about what's been going on, the future, and what's going on with my job. But I really hope my boss trusts me and that there is something that can be done... I do have the documentation to prove that things have been going crazy.

Two Good Days and Backslide

I gave a homeopathic remedy from my naturopath a try the other day... along with the 5-HTP and basic multivitamin I've been taking and had a very good night Thursday...

Friday I felt basically normal... weak and tired... but basically almost normal. I rode my bike to school, went confidently to the grocery store before riding home and ate a slice of pizza. Probably no good... no documented gluten sensitivity yet but I guess even people without gluten sensitivity can be negatively affected by it. Who knows. Sick of thinking about the world so critically when I just want to live. I just want to eat whatever and go out with friends... although I'm basically estranged from all my friends right now.Kinda have what I don't feel is an unfounded suspicion that they just think of me as someone who "always doesn't feel good." And I get really sick of being a wet blanket... so I guess it's for the best that I'm so distanced from everyone right now. Everything seems to be falling into place for everyone. I remember that feeling in the past... but it just feels like such a distant memory... almost like none of those wonderful things ever happened. And I wouldn't want to ruin such beautiful feelings for anyone. Although I feel so crushingly alone. So guilty for my family having to go through this.

I had energy to pick some stuff up around the house... tend to my birds as I wish I'd been able to tend to them throughout this whole flare up... I felt holey moley the worst actually might be over. My dad came and we had a good night... able to eat dinner heartily and then watch a movie... then just go to sleep and fall asleep without further ado.

Saturday I also felt good although I craved onion rings in the worst way. I also had a hamburger. And I ate a bunch of snack foods... so many things I truly have no idea what triggered last night's set-back. And I was fine until I went to try to sleep and then so many symptoms came back and I felt just awful all throughout my body in ways the English language doesn't even really have words for. So I'll leave it at that. Couldn't sleep until I took .5mg of an Ativan at... 7:00 am.

This has got to end... uggh I just wish I knew what triggered this. I'm sick of feeling miserable and making everyone around me miserable. On Saturday (before the evening) I almost thought it was time to let all my friends know "Oh my gosh, I'm feeling better now! I think it's over... let's hang out... time to pretend it never happened" and that things would get back to normal.

But I guess all that is just a pipe dream.

Spoke too Soon

***

Well, seems like I spoke to soon yesterday. It was nice to have the brief moments of clarity... and then the feelings came over me all of a sudden at just about the time I got off the computer. Some things are starting to come into place for me... fear of MS or a brain tumor is lifting... but I definitely think there is something neurological to all of this.

I suspect dysautonomia. It's a confusion in the autonomic nervous system. That means things I used to take for granted, say, being able to wake up with a general idea of how I would feel throughout the day, and even the next day, are no longer guaranteed. Also why I have attacks of strange feelings that can be mistaken for anxiety. And of course, worrying about all of this certainly results in feeling anxious.

I found this website:

http://www.dynakids.org
There are great articles in the resources section.



It's a little suspicious that with the exception of the Yellow Wiggle, all the affected there are pubescent girls and young women. Perhaps it has something to do with the developing female hormones and... childhood/young adult vacs...

My mother had similar although not as debilitating symptoms at my age.

Flares/Initiation of the disease are set off by a variety of factors, including viruses and chemical exposure. No surprise considering that I had a viral illness then was shot up with 3 vaccines containing neurotoxic activated aluminum... in conjunction with viral particle nasties, MSG, Polysorbate and other roach killers. ANYWAY this current flare followed an effort by a naturopath to get my immune system moving... and then it was going-going-gone... I had a bad seasonal flu virus... and the diet change. Had also been doing saunas and mineral baths that may have pulled some minerals out of my system, temporarily overloading it with prior stressors.

Things that make disorders in the dysautonomia family better? Well, salt (minerals), lots of water (i.e., enough blood pumping through the veins) Most people don't see improvement on the allopathic "medications." So here's to weathering this storm. Hopefully it will be over soon.

It's Friday and I feel regretful that I have not hung out with my friends but once this term when my friend invited me to his birthday party dine-in at his place. That was fun. Everyone's been busy. Can't blame people for not wanting to be around me.

I could ask my Dr. to tilt-table test me... but this test has been sufficiently completed at the dentist's office. Twice I visited the dentist this year. The first time I remember when I was tilted back I was fine, and then immediately I had the strangest feeling come over me. Like a panic attack, but for no reason. I am not afraid of the dentist. I sort of groaned a little because I wanted more than anything to sit up... hell... go ahead and perform the procedure but the position was killing me.

And then, the next time I visited the dentist this year (the filling wasn't perfect on my bite and I was getting holes in my bottom tooth) the exact same thing happened, luckily it was a shorter procedure.

And laying down in bed, especially if my pillow is not big enough, is often an ordeal. I'm not going to deny that there isn't a definite anxiety component to this BUT I do know there is something more than anxiety alone at play here. And don't try to tell me its some kind of mistaken notion. Thanks to this flare up I've got to go back to all the "cognitive behavioral" stuff... trying to turn my thoughts around. And I guess even take celexa again (although if my problem is with blood pressure I don't know how that would do anything to help.) My blood pressure is consistently low low low at the drs office and my heart rate always consistently high high high.

Why couldn't it just be something simple... like a broken arm... that people know how to fix...

My horoscope is right. The change has to be inside of me.

Some Fog has Cleared

Been a few days since I wrote here *gasp*.

My parents came down for the weekend to help me out, had a good day on Saturday, a little off on Sunday, and then until today this week has been pretty hard. Even this morning was really rough. Lot's of doctor's appointments. Good news is the cyst probably won't need surgery, it is probably already on its way to recovery. There is a check-up coming after the end of the term to make sure it goes away.

I am off progesterone for the time being... after my functional med dr. said the dose was way too high... no wonder I was having side effects from it. And my cycle has began for the first time in about a month and a half. At least the progesterone works to jump start things... however getting the right dose is tricky. As expected, I am encouraged to go on synthetic hormone bcps because of the PCOS (not by the functional med dr.) but if keeping my weight low and working on diet, insulin resistance and such will keep the cycle regular, I prefer that method. Because I feel sicker around my cycle I'm cautiously optimistic that things will turn around after this week. Now I know how werewolves are. Except these symptoms make me feel more like a were-human.

I'm getting tested for leaky gut and parasites. Getting the samples ready is kind of a pain in the butt.

Mom watered the seed in my head that I might have a brain tumor, although my strongest suspicion is still that the vaccine did something to my immune system. Maybe my immune system is finally calming down. Glands under my tongue that have been swollen for months have gone down slightly since my cycle began. I was also having night sweats... and horrible anxiety this week. Very much like in Japan. I don't know if it feels worse because it is worse or worse because I'm more comfortable around my family and in Japan I had to do my very best to pull myself together for my host family and as a scholarship student I had many commitments and events (such as going to tour the Mazda factory.) Very exciting time in my life, but also a very scary one. And even though I'm scared that it may be a brain tumor or MS or something, my symptoms don't completely fit that picture... looks like an as of yet misunderstood immune reaction. It's not all that implausible... vaccines have been discontinued when they have done similar things to the public. One that I discovered is Lymerix, the vaccine for Lyme disease which is no longer out in public because of the extremely high rate of people having reactions to it. Oh if I had a billion dollars, there would have to be some research in the area of reversing vaccine damage or more understanding on what appear to be autoimmune responses.

Or, this reaction could very well be the symptoms provoke great anxiety which in turn causes and exacerbates the symptoms. This is a tough nut to crack.

The mechanism of injury for the Lymerix vaccine appeared to be the inclusion of the lyme protein itself... probably the reason that lyme disease is so devastating because the proteins of the infections agents (besides the special tricks the bacterium can play) mimic the proteins of tissues. The immune system forms a memory of that protein (amino acid sequence) and then the cells in the system designed to target the bacterium are confused and start doing their job on tissues of the body! How confusing!

Theories are the same as Epstein Barr Virus linked to Multiple Sclerosis. Generally, any immune reaction puts an individual at risk for Guillian Barre. I'm going to look into what naturopathy does about autoimmune illnesses, although it seems that as naturopathic methods are natural, they aim to stimulate the immune system. That process is a little dangerous in those with these "bad memories" in their immune cells... which is why I'm sure I had a flare of this after having my immune system stimulated. And now that I'm getting run down... I truly hope I can go back to just being a worn down version of myself instead of completely nuts. Just the anxiety is sickening.

Also can report that I test negative for all the classic autoimmune diseases: RA and Lupus. Sed rates don't show that anything is going on, but I'm certainly weakened by the nausea, weight loss, anxiety, lack of appetite and so on and so forth. But feeling more optimistic because I'm feeling better tonight. Getting worried because I can make it through a great day and crash at night... hopefully not tonight... because the anxiety meds just don't really help.

Actually feeling a little like knitting tonight and watching some TV shows with my hubby... this is improvement. Made it through class and my mind for homework has somewhat come back. No more immune stimulation for me after this episode.

Walking down memory lane... pictures are from my trip to the Mazda main headquarters in Hiroshima Japan in the midst of my first health crisis after getting the vaccine. Part symptoms, part anxiety... so much I didn't know. I do believe it was a beautiful experience, but can't help but feel bittnerness that the magnitude of that beauty was affected by that vaccine... I guess i'm working on coming to terms with it.

My Momiji Racer design won that day for the car design contest~~~ (But really, the true prize was being able to go to Japan, I would have never been able to afford the study abroad without the scholarship I received) momiji is maple leaf, which is a symbol of Hiroshima/Miyajima. One of the popular local souvenirs is momiji manjuu or Maple Leaf shaped dessert buns. There's nothing quite like eating one straight from Nishikido

A little write-up in the local paper

With Ryuga, Mazda's concept car. Just like all the ones you see in magazines.

On Mercury Detox

LINK: http://www.ultrawellness.com/blog/mercury-part-ii

Good website detailing mercury detox protocol. I'm not about to do anything by myself because I'm afraid there will be further exacerbations. Same for anyone out there looking for help. Don't do it alone. Anything is worth a try. First stop: building up my nutrition. Kinda tough now because I have no appetite. It really feels just like when I got sick in summer 2007. I remember I would have fitful, very scared nights. I feel tremendous guilt for putting my host families through that. On top of that, whatever is going on with my system has my hormones really out of whack and I have all the symptoms of PMDD. Seeing my PCP on Monday but pretty sure I'll just get sent out with a perscription for allergy med and SSRI... good thing I'm also seeing someone who might be interested in doing some functional analysis. It's a mystery.

Hopefully I'll go back to my normal level of sub-functioning soon and no permanent damage is being done. Toxicities can mimic MS... and perhaps MS is a misdiagnosed form of environmental toxicity. Just a theory that should be investigated. Anyway, the point is people have exacerbations but there are also pseudo-exacerbations. Once the inflammation goes away, given time and extended periods of health, the brain has the proven ability to regenerate and heal itself, or redirect messages through areas of the brain that are not damaged. If damage occurs in the spine the same flexibility isn't there...

Gee I wish this is what they taught in biology class. I would have got better grades. But when I was in biology class we were learning about the amino acids (yay histidine... histamine.. all this stuff...) but I didn't get far enough to study how it all actually worked.

Ingredients in the Vaccines I had prior to everything changing:

Gardasil: (from link http://www.offtheradar.co.nz/vaccines/52-gardasil-ingredients.html) Dang that off the radar site is good. It also makes sense with the link I posted yesterday about why putting histidine in with all these toxins is simply not a good idea.

Aluminum 225mcg

Animal and human studies have shown aluminum can cause nerve cell death and that vaccine aluminum adjuvants can allow aluminum to enter the brain, as well as cause inflammation at the injection site leading to chronic joint and muscle pain as well as fatigue.

Sodium Borate 35mcg

This is the main ingredient in Boric Acid. Powdered Boric Acid is often used to kill cockroaches. Sodium Borate is now listed as a dangerous poison. Symptons of Sodium Borate poisoning are very similar to many of the side effects being reported with the Gardasil vaccine.

Polysorbate 80 50mcg

Although Polysorbate 80 is a food additive that enables solubility of flavouring oils with water, injection is quite different. Polysorbate 80 injected into prepubescent rats caused a rapid growth of reproductive organs, but growth was abnormal and the rats were sterile, unable to have children. When used intravenously with vitamins it has been known to cause anaphylactic shock. According to the Polysorbate 80 MSDS, it may be a carcinogenic, (cause cancer), as well as a mutagenic, (birth defects).

L-histidine 0.78mcg

L-histidine is an essential amino acid which is a precursor to allergic reactions. It stimulates the inflammatory response of skin and mucous membranes (one possible cause of the allergic reactions reported). It is also responsible for forming metal bearing enzymes (such as the toxic metal storage protein metallothionein). Metals such as zinc, copper, and nickel are transported by binding to L-histidine and the binding is essential for excretion of excess heavy metals. Many parents of autistic children are quite familiar with Metallothionein and MT deficiency.

Sodium Chloride 9.56mcg

Common salt

Yeast Protein 7mcg

This is a hidden form of MSG, as it creates synthetic free glutamic acid in the processing, which in simpler terms is MSG. Most vaccines contain some hidden form of MSG (eg hydrolysed gelatin) as this feeds the live virus.

Menactra:

5oo mcg Aluminum

Hepatitis Vaccine:

Formaldehyde. 2.66 mcg

Couldn't really find the ingredients for the other two vaccines. They're pretty well hidden. It doesn't look like I was exposed to Thimerosal but I'm sure I was as a child as I made it through all the scheduled shots without issue. Just need to keep telling myself that I have recovered from this before therefore I should be able to recover from this again. 頑張ろうね。

Just a Link

http://www.free-press-release.com/news-hpv-vaccines-or-jumping-rope-1288283419.html

Free Press, Press Release regarding Gardasil.

Amen to this.

Until mainstream medicine, or any medicine for that matter, finds out what is causing my problems, I will believe that it is Gardasil that triggered them, regardless of whether they were underlying issues before the shot. Better lying in wait then troubling me nearly everyday of my life.

Even the mayo clinic website outlines a list of symptoms, most of which I have experienced to one degree or another since getting the shot- as side effects. I hope some smarty-pants up there decides to figure out how to help people's vaccine damage, although most students are probably concerned with following the Gold-Brick ROAD to $$$ (Radiology, oncology, anaesthesiology, and dermatology...) don't forget cardiology and neurology--true story, I have done a lot of reading on what it takes to become a doctor because since I became sick I dreamed of going to medical school. Although since vaccines affect so many neurologically (what's with the aluminum additives and msg excitotoxins? ethylmercury? really!) I really wanted to go to med school or do my science classes so that I could someday help people going through what I am. And then overwhelming waves of pessimism wash over me when I see the state of the system. Practicioners that get closest to addressing the fundamental issues are rare: naturopaths, functional medicine drs. (And I don't know if naturopathy has quite figured out vaccine reactions yet... nature didn't intend for these poisons to be layered upon developing young people... of course I knew nothing of this... received all my vacs through elementary school, didn't opt out, didn't think twice and now I can't stop thinking about it, it is with me everyday) Like I said, those drs are rare, their treatments are expensive, they're not covered, and just like the vaccines they are up until now untested.

Felt pretty bad this morning despite sleeping well. Made it though my Japanese class (and test), think I did well. Didn't do so well on my science midterms from a couple weeks back. I was feeling pretty sick and was just sort of coasting through my classes... not attacking them as I liked to pre-Gardasil. More restlessness, feeling weak, tired, hungry, empty, heat sensations, and nauseated. But I made it and am doing better at home.