Thursday, November 4, 2010

Some Fog has Cleared

Been a few days since I wrote here *gasp*.

My parents came down for the weekend to help me out, had a good day on Saturday, a little off on Sunday, and then until today this week has been pretty hard. Even this morning was really rough. Lot's of doctor's appointments. Good news is the cyst probably won't need surgery, it is probably already on its way to recovery. There is a check-up coming after the end of the term to make sure it goes away.

I am off progesterone for the time being... after my functional med dr. said the dose was way too high... no wonder I was having side effects from it. And my cycle has began for the first time in about a month and a half. At least the progesterone works to jump start things... however getting the right dose is tricky. As expected, I am encouraged to go on synthetic hormone bcps because of the PCOS (not by the functional med dr.) but if keeping my weight low and working on diet, insulin resistance and such will keep the cycle regular, I prefer that method. Because I feel sicker around my cycle I'm cautiously optimistic that things will turn around after this week. Now I know how werewolves are. Except these symptoms make me feel more like a were-human.

I'm getting tested for leaky gut and parasites. Getting the samples ready is kind of a pain in the butt.

Mom watered the seed in my head that I might have a brain tumor, although my strongest suspicion is still that the vaccine did something to my immune system. Maybe my immune system is finally calming down. Glands under my tongue that have been swollen for months have gone down slightly since my cycle began. I was also having night sweats... and horrible anxiety this week. Very much like in Japan. I don't know if it feels worse because it is worse or worse because I'm more comfortable around my family and in Japan I had to do my very best to pull myself together for my host family and as a scholarship student I had many commitments and events (such as going to tour the Mazda factory.) Very exciting time in my life, but also a very scary one. And even though I'm scared that it may be a brain tumor or MS or something, my symptoms don't completely fit that picture... looks like an as of yet misunderstood immune reaction. It's not all that implausible... vaccines have been discontinued when they have done similar things to the public. One that I discovered is Lymerix, the vaccine for Lyme disease which is no longer out in public because of the extremely high rate of people having reactions to it. Oh if I had a billion dollars, there would have to be some research in the area of reversing vaccine damage or more understanding on what appear to be autoimmune responses.

Or, this reaction could very well be the symptoms provoke great anxiety which in turn causes and exacerbates the symptoms. This is a tough nut to crack.

The mechanism of injury for the Lymerix vaccine appeared to be the inclusion of the lyme protein itself... probably the reason that lyme disease is so devastating because the proteins of the infections agents (besides the special tricks the bacterium can play) mimic the proteins of tissues. The immune system forms a memory of that protein (amino acid sequence) and then the cells in the system designed to target the bacterium are confused and start doing their job on tissues of the body! How confusing!

Theories are the same as Epstein Barr Virus linked to Multiple Sclerosis. Generally, any immune reaction puts an individual at risk for Guillian Barre. I'm going to look into what naturopathy does about autoimmune illnesses, although it seems that as naturopathic methods are natural, they aim to stimulate the immune system. That process is a little dangerous in those with these "bad memories" in their immune cells... which is why I'm sure I had a flare of this after having my immune system stimulated. And now that I'm getting run down... I truly hope I can go back to just being a worn down version of myself instead of completely nuts. Just the anxiety is sickening.

Also can report that I test negative for all the classic autoimmune diseases: RA and Lupus. Sed rates don't show that anything is going on, but I'm certainly weakened by the nausea, weight loss, anxiety, lack of appetite and so on and so forth. But feeling more optimistic because I'm feeling better tonight. Getting worried because I can make it through a great day and crash at night... hopefully not tonight... because the anxiety meds just don't really help.

Actually feeling a little like knitting tonight and watching some TV shows with my hubby... this is improvement. Made it through class and my mind for homework has somewhat come back. No more immune stimulation for me after this episode.

Walking down memory lane... pictures are from my trip to the Mazda main headquarters in Hiroshima Japan in the midst of my first health crisis after getting the vaccine. Part symptoms, part anxiety... so much I didn't know. I do believe it was a beautiful experience, but can't help but feel bittnerness that the magnitude of that beauty was affected by that vaccine... I guess i'm working on coming to terms with it.

My Momiji Racer design won that day for the car design contest~~~ (But really, the true prize was being able to go to Japan, I would have never been able to afford the study abroad without the scholarship I received) momiji is maple leaf, which is a symbol of Hiroshima/Miyajima. One of the popular local souvenirs is momiji manjuu or Maple Leaf shaped dessert buns. There's nothing quite like eating one straight from Nishikido

A little write-up in the local paper

With Ryuga, Mazda's concept car. Just like all the ones you see in magazines.

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