Friday, December 24, 2010

Stitches for Small Seed Beads

So, I have a crap load of small seed beads (11 o) that I got a long time ago that I need to use up before buying any more...

The following stitches have been cooperating pretty well:

"Leaves" "Apache Leaves" (although I've heard it referred to as some kind of Russian leaf before...)
They're cute. I should re-teach myself that stitch.

I've had success as you can see in the "Winter Beading" post with spiral stitch. However usually for the inner body of the stitch I have to use delicas or something with a bigger hole... otherwise I drive myself crazy.

Another stitch I've had success with is the St. Petersburg chain, and the 11 o s seem to be accommodating the double St. Petersburg which is pretty stunning. I hope I'll be able to embellish the top too. I'll update when I'm done.

St. Petersburg Chain (Double)

It's quite stunning.

Herringbone did NOT accommodate the 11o seed beads.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Acupuncture, Beads, and Ballet

So I'm loving acupuncture. I get instant relief everytime I go. Not all my problems are gone, but there have been so many it wouldn't be realistic to expect an instant cure and especially without addressing the emotional stuff the problems stirred up in me. I got a funky little bruise on one of the points this time, but i was having fluish body aches all week and sinus symptoms... and the treatment with moxibustion was instant relief for the pain... and even a little bit for the sinus stuff. I think I'm allergic to my birds. Always get tingling and some "anxiety" symptoms during treatment. The energy balance is just stubborn I suppose.


Having a lot of fun with beads, but gotta get up throughout the day. I feel yukky if I sit around too much.

Thinking of starting up in ballet again. Looking back giving up ballet back in h.s. was a difficult thing for me. I didn't miss the competition, but I think the physical activity and core focus was really important and kept me healthy throughout my youth. It was after I quit ballet that I started going downhill. I guess for me it's sort of like yoga. I'm doing a little bit of that too, but there's nothing like the feeling I used to get when I was a kid and I could just melt into the music. I'm starting to stretch in prep for it. I remember all the technique and what my body is supposed to be able to do but know that my ankle and core strength and flexibility are definitely not what they used to be (flexibility has always been a problem) I'll talk to my parents about it over Christmas, otherwise I'll just have to figure out a way to pay for it. And it's good, it's sort of on a pay as you go system at Ballet Fantastique in Eugene. You can pay for 20 classes... which takes off the pressure of having to make it to every class in case there is a big paper, exam, or reading assignment.

Here's the clincher though, I stopped ballet in h.s. to take difficult classes, when in reality the physical activity probably would have helped me better cope with the stress of the classes. So I guess this is an early New Year's resolution to go back to ballet. I'll miss prancing on pointe now but I guess that is something spared for my feet in my "old age." ;)


My school friend Tomona is likely coming at the end of February into March. I'm looking forward to the girl time after sort of getting stuck in Eugene with boys only. Haha boys only talking in Korean. Gotta admit it gets on my nerves sometimes when I can't understand anything. Or I understand and I'm just a mute because I can't express myself intelligibly in Korean. I can get my point across with confidence in Japanese but I've got a huge mental block for Korean. I don't know why. We'll see what happens when I get back to Korean class in January, and see what happens since my Japanese friends in Eugene (Tomona, and my student) both study Korean. They'll be excited to work on it... haha BUTTTT *ahem* I'd like to keep it in English or Japanese. Ugggh I hope then Max will know the frustration I feel. But if (WHEN) I relocate to Japan for work he'll definitely get it real close. He's so maddeningly easygoing at times I'm sure he'll adjust great.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Winter Beading

A repository for recent beaded projects. I like beading... I really want to try my hand at a new stitch as I've been doing spiral stitch for the last 3 or 4 projects I've done. Maybe I'll revisit peyote or get something out of Beadwork.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

EBV Community

A nasty problem that's been a thorn in my side since 2009: EBV (mono) Virus. Just enough to dull your whole world. Not serious enough for modern medicine to want to find a fix for (maybe it just can't)... and just overwhelming enough to make a person miserable. Anyway maybe this online community I find might be useful.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Friday, December 17, 2010

Comet Ca$h

Well two acupuncture treatments.done. I do notice a difference! My sore throat isn't gone but I'm sure mono won't cure itself overnight. However, in general, my whole body just feels better.


I brought a present for Christmas over to the neighbors since they're so good to us and are really friendly neighbors and got hooked up with getting to start my volunteering at the elementary school early. And they really needed a lot of help today~~ it was a Winter Holiday Carnival and there was a bazaar with donated goods. They earned some "Comet" Cash for doing homework and for being good in their classes and then got to spend it... and go "shopping" and bought things for special people in their lives. With hundreds of youngsters of all ages... it was quite a happening. They broke me in pretty quick~ But now winter break has begun for EVERYONE and now there is no escape from my house and the major BRO-mance going on with Max and his brother. So I'm kind of the odd one out wishing I had some girl friends to hang out with.

I really need to get on my Christmas cards.


So I have a lot of options on when to graduate and what to do after, I guess those options will depend on when I go to see an advisor to find out if there are any classes I would have to take if I decided not to graduate from the honors college. There are a bunch of schools I would like to apply to teach at in Japan... and whether or not I could enter the companies sort of is weighing in my mind as a deciding factor of what I want to do with this graduation thing. I have one Japanese class left for a Japanese degree. General science is totally out the window because I don't want to be here for 3 more years to take all the classes I would have to in order to get that degree.


I could stay in the honors college, start the time consuming thesis process... write it through the summer, and maybe get it wrapped up, stamped, graduated by the end of fall and apply to the JET Programme. Which is the "Cadillac" english teaching entry job... but the private companies don't sound that bad, although the purpose is a lot different than the government sponsored programs because it brings the company, corporation component into teaching.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

The Big EFL Resource Link Repository

EFL Resources Repository (under construction, look forward to more links, reviews and summaries of the websites to come! for now this blog is more or less a little notepad)

EFL Through Songs


unfortunately you have to pay for them, but hey, it's an investment and they can probably be played over and over. I'm sure if I dig around later I can find a lot for free as well, not to mention the splendor of YouTube. Too bad google took it over.

So there are some jobs I can apply for. Depending on what happens with the applications I will graduate either this spring (I'll be eligible to graduate after winter term... if I quit honors college all I have left is 4 credits of Japanese, although there are other classes that I WANT to take... haha I just don't want to take honors college classes) and if neither of the jobs go through, maybe I'll just stay and I think I can finish honors college by the end of fall 2011. One is in Chiba, and one is in Aichi. I would be much more excited to live in Aichi especially since it is a part of Aichi that easily accesses more rural areas... Chiba is just a stone's throw from Tokyo. Haha but if you need to escape real quick it is close to Narita.


My first acupuncture appointment is today. The acupuncturist said the most noticeable problem from the TCM perspective was a stomach yin deficiency. Besides that, between cleaning my house and going to the izakaya for a second time with friends, my good old friend mono showed up again and all the sinus ickies with it. Luckily I feel much better after sleeping.


The food at the izakaya was pretty good, they do have good nabe, sukiyaki, and what not. It is a little expensive for the portions but some things are a good deal. It is supposed to be western themed but only looks partially western themed, just the drink names and a little of the decor. They have some growing into their bar that could be done. It'd be nice with some more pictures and knick-knackery on the walls. Nice that they don't have flat-screens all over the place. I suspect that people have forgotten how to talk to each other.


Today I also applied to volunteer at an elementary school. Hopefully some experience will be coming my way shortly.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Western Izakayas and TRUE VACATION~~

So today I was looking through the local paper and I guess there is an Izakaya Meiji in Eugene. I didn't know about it until today, but my mom came because my follow up appointment for the CYST was today. And the CYST is GONE! So good news all around. My blood pressure was really low though... no wonder my legs fall asleep so easy and when they do it's the whole darn leg and I walk around like a cripple for a few minutes after... dizzy standing... heart beating like crazy. But a lot of relief. I'm going to Izakaya Meiji with the boys tonight. I think I'll take my camera and hopefully the food is pretty good.

It's "Wild-Western" themed with izakaya fare... I'll let you know how good it is, but the bar-goers of Eugene have given it a 4/5 star rating on the scale which is pretty good. The only almost authentic Japanese food I've had in the Eug is the raamen and even most my students don't really like that (Toshi's best thing is the gyoza I think...Toshi's Raamen) You can get much more authentic Korean food in Eugene... no coincidence that most the Korean places are Korean-owned. Just looked at the menu... they have it all! Garatan, karaage, korokke. All the good greasy Japanese stuff. And of course yakitori. Aww good memories. I'll include a picture from a time eating yakitori in Japan with my school friend's family.

Are you sufficently hungry yet?

Thursday, December 9, 2010

A Familiar Story

An Anxiety Experience, and What Helps:

Great story. Kind of sounds like when I have my descents (well I have had 2 major falls with this anxiety... and a few short-lived minor ones)

Interesting that it came on after this individual was trying psychadelic drugs. I have never done any drugs... I'm such a pansy among my friends... usually the only one drinking water at the college parties...

It's interesting BECAUSE my anxiety started after the Gardasil + Menactra + Hep vaccines. It's as if I received a brain-chemistry altering drug!

And the story is EVEN MORE INTERESTING when the things the individual writes down helped their condition are uncannily the same things that have been helping me, that functional medicine and this whole unsettling but (hopefully) strengthening journey has brought me to. That is, magnesium, l-theanine (which I have been prescribed but seldom need to take, said to help with "brain chatter"... I get that feeling when I am hungry, and it is usually greatly helped by eating something, a little bit of complex carb with protein)... AND, optimistically, acupuncture. I'm getting really excited about doing some acupuncture.

When I was in Japan my host mother did acupuncture on me. She gave that up to pursue allopathic nursing, but it's nice to know that someone in the allopathic realm would have that experience. I know that it might not do anything, but there are so many problems I don't see how at least one might not be helped, especially with how it's effectiveness in treating nausea (from chemotherapy, etc...) and pain (effective nerve blocking) is touted. Very interesting stuff.

And look! Here's my blog offering another testament.

My one other dream? Kicking mono's butt.

Grumpy Takes a Vacation

Grumpy Takes A Vacation:

Not feeling so grumpy today. I contribute that a lot to doing some deep breathing exercises last night... chilling... and eating well today: that is, on time and with the right protein to veg to carb ratio. I definitely start to feel worse if I'm getting hungry. I'd settle for a stomach growl but I really start to get anxious and my mood drops.

At any rate, couldn't make it to my friends going away party tonight ; - ; Max's last final is tomorrow... and he hadn't even finished the take home portion by the time the party started so here I am. She said she'd come visit with another friend of ours this weekend. I'm not sure if it will go through, and I feel really bad about not being able to go. But at least I got to see her a few days ago.

Urggg finals.

I'll just look forward to the weekend and hope my two friends make it to visit. Or maybe I'll ask if we should just meet up somewhere... my house is pretty far from where everyone lives.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Finals Week!

Finals Week!

Well, technically my finals week (and my term) has been over since Monday... but Max (my husband) won't be done with his finals until about noon on Friday. That means my "best friend" is busy all week and I have "no one to play with." Haha it's definitely testing me. His brother is visiting. I meant to write a long blog to celebrate making it to December, to be my first December blog, but some other things I wanted to put in my blog beat me to it.

I'm going to take the plunge and try acupuncture. It's supposed to help with anxiety, nausea, and chest pain~~ I figure there's nothing I can loose. My insurance covers some of it... I found an Ac. near my campus so it will be easy to keep with the schedule even if school starts. And if my benefits run out there is a community acupuncture clinic where the fee is based on how much you earn, which for me, is nothing. I like that. I really like naturopathy, but it's much more expensive and so far, alone, has not given me results. There's a free consultation that I'm going to next week, to tell them about what's been going on...

Maxy's brother has been here for more than a week. Unfortunately we haven't really clicked yet... I really want things to go well... this last attack (the anxiety and feeling sick) took a lot of my confidence away and I'm not feeling in the outgoing sort of mood. More like "gosh I just want to recuperate and hope this doesn't happen again." He just doesn't seem that interested in trying anything new. But I suppose he's probably here to see Max more than anything, so it's normal he doesn't seem to care? I gave him a bunch of English study books but he's watching Korean dramas and cooking Korean food all day... and speaking Korean all day (I can't understand a thing of what's going on in my own house... or when I can understand it's like I'm mute because I can't speak Korean (yet?) ) And doing Korean boy things like drinking and smoking (not in the house, of course).

So now I'm feeling homesick in my own house! I don't want to feel this way... and I feel like a lot of it is my fault but I don't really know how to get things in motion. I'm getting pretty hungry... the boys LOVE greasy food... eggs, sausage, strange fried noodle concoctions, and even stews, salads covered in mayonnaise~~~ and FISHY food. If it doesn't smell like a pier it's not worth their attention. I've tried to cook a few times (my best recipes)... chicken marsala, enchiladas, nachos de Malia, vegetables with sweet and sour chicken... and just get slightly disappointed vibes everytime. But I myself get slightly disappointed everytime the food is greasy because I know I am going to feel awful if I eat it. And when you know you're going to feel awful then nothing really tastes good even if it really does (who doesn't LOVE greasy food? I love it, but...) I can't communicate that because 1)I feel rude 2) I feel embarassed

When is it safe for someone to put their foot down?

He did pick out a movie for us to watch together (haha I wouldn't have picked it myself but it was all right~~~) "Enchanted"... I missed that one when it was in the theaters. I think the best recent Disney movie was the Princess and the Frog. And Ratatouille. Haha for some reason I can watch Ratatouille again and again. I guess the food divide is the most exhausting, because every meal requires so much thought "What SHOULD we eat?" "Who should cook?" "Am I going to be able to eat it?" haha and... "Is this going to require a base of fish broth???" He was also a good sport and went to play tennis with me one day... a day with a rare break in the clouds! Rare for Oregon! Speaking of which, today is clear! I'm gonna get my butt down to the mall to get a haircut! (my hair is are falling out like crazy.)

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Japan Blogs I Like

So I'm kind of considering starting a Japan Culture, Japanese language blog to stand alone. I've held volunteer Japanese language classes before and it might be a fun tool to have if I do that again, maybe give the students lessons/hw/questions to ponder and cultural factoids to look up. It's tough to say something that hasn't been said before, but I guess the fun thing about blog culture is you see similar subjects in all different lights based on all the blogs out there.

Here are some of my favorite blogs by people living/working in Japan:

The Good:

Fellow Uni-friend, and his adventures about 40 minutes from Tokyo in Chiba prefecture as a JET ALT

A good variety of interesting, optimistic, upbeat blog.

Great variety, comedy, fact and FICTION. Good for a laugh.

Middle Ground:

Critical Eyes:

A Token one on Korea for good Measure:

(And most of them more or less have a lot of overlap... such is life)

I'm supposed to be studying for a final tomorrow so I'll leave this at that and come back with more links later.

Soy Milk Recipe: Link

I'd like to write a blog about the debate on soybeans: are they beneficial or harmful to health? (It's quite a debate, and quite confusing to me)

Anyway, there is a link to a recipe for soymilk. With all the ingredients added to commercial soymilk, it's nice to have the option to make it at home.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Mono no Aware: The Impermanence of Things

Shoot, I forgot who the poet is (Basho?) but I found this in my journal (the one where I write the really secret stuff ;) hehe) Anyway... just thought I'd share.


Poem 1

Why should my heart
remain stained
by blossoms,
When I thought I had tossed that all away?


Poem 2

Trailing in the wind
Fuji's smoke
fades into the sky
destination unknown
just like my own thoughts



Not recommended to use in-browser translators (such as chrome) as translation is usually inaccurate. Also, if anyone speaks Japanese and wishes to correct anything, I'd be tickled pink and much obliged as I'm sure there are some mistakes. YOU MAY NEED TO ADJUST BROWSER ENCODING IN ORDER TO READ THE CHARACTERS. Who knows, maybe I'll post these on Lang-8 eventually~~ 






Not recommended to use in-browser translators (such as chrome) as translation is usually inaccurate. Also, if anyone speaks Japanese and wishes to correct anything, I'd be tickled pink and much obliged as I'm sure there are some mistakes.







以上かな。。。また断り方を学んだ。一番大事なポイントは理由をあげることだった。また、他にできることを言ったほうがいいです。(おすすめ)(~たらどうですか? ~たらいかがですか?)

交換:こうかん(する):TO EXCHANGE



Not recommended to use in-browser translators (such as chrome) as translation is usually inaccurate. Also, if anyone speaks Japanese and wishes to correct anything, I'd be tickled pink and much obliged as I'm sure there are some mistakes.




Not recommended to use in-browser translators (such as chrome) as translation is usually inaccurate. Also, if anyone speaks Japanese and wishes to correct anything, I'd be tickled pink and much obliged as I'm sure there are some mistakes.




 経歴についてですが、オレゴン大学東アジア言語・文学部の日本語の専攻です。日本語は高校の時から勉強していて、長く持つの夢は日本で英語の教師になることです。高校の時2回日本の高校で留学することができて、本当に人生の中では明るい思い出です。大学では2年間以上アメリカン・インギリシュ・インツイーツ(AMERICAN ENGLISH INSTITUTE)の家庭教師(英語のツターと授業とイベントのアシスタント)をしていますから、それは教えるのためにとてもいい経験だと思っています。


I'm Back

I'm back after the (short) Thanksgiving Break. Actually, it felt pretty long (because there are basically no breaks at my university...) I think I've been seeing some improvement. This is all I'm taking now:

If you have any issue this does not substitute for seeking treatment from anyone. It is merely a description of what is happening in my life. When in doubt always seek help from a qualified provider.

-fish oil, breakfast/dinner
-low dose B-vitamin with C (Solgar), 1 at breakfast
-magnesium glycinate (1 50 tablet, breakfast and dinner)
-taurine 1000 mg, breakfast and dinner
-zinc citrate 15 (mg?)
-vitamin D3 drops for kids (low dose)
-5-HTP, 50 mg, 1x a day, when I sense that I'm getting tearful and on edge again
ALSO... trying to avoid copper

So far so good on that. Vitamin D3, despite my deficiency in it, consistently seems to give me an on-edge sort of feeling. I try to take it earlier in the day. It's been about 3 weeks since I have seen any doctor so I am doing better. I have not had one night where I could not fall asleep for a few weeks now. Things are slowly but surely stabilizing... I really don't know what happened. It was probably a combination of the detox diet I was doing (even though it was not extreme! I was following a paleo diet... lean proteins, light on carb, rich in vegetables and fruits.) Fruits can set me off I guess. Then I tried an herbal mixture... I still think there is something really wonky with my immune system and that there is probably some kind of toxin left from the vaccine, or even if the toxins don't bother people, not all people have the same immune response to those toxins. There is a protocol outlined by Dr. Baylock (Blaylock) for treating negative vaccine reactions advising against any mushroom/immune stimulating extracts. Something there is still dysfunctional, which is evident because I have had a low-level mono infection for more than 2 years. He's really good, he wrote one of my favorite books: "Excitotoxins: The Taste that Kills" all about MSG and aspartate... not the BEST book in the world but it was pretty good.

Let's see... what else is working...
-prayer and meditation
-avoiding googling my symptoms (for the health anxiety that all these symptoms started... I'll admit it is there but I really don't think it's everything...) a bunch of people with crazy symptoms... who are surviving... it helps with my feeling of being all alone in this

Max's brother is here. There's a lot of getting acquainted we still have to do but just like my health, I'll just take it slow and natural. I really want things to work out but it has stirred up some anxiousness and requires some adjusting but nothing too crazy. I have a speaking final in Japanese tomorrow (so I'm going to take my studying to the net and just write out some of the potential dialogues/things I may say tomorrow to help me study) and if you have fun reading Japanese, by all means

Monday, November 22, 2010


~Espinaca Edition~
I blanched some spinach breifly and lined the edges with it... I can eat for 3-4 days on this in a household of 2~

So one of the things I like to do when I'm feeling better is cook. Haha these enchiladas are a real favorite for me and oh-so-healthy (well, if you're not sensitive) I made them a little too spicy this time around and the lining of my stomach wasn't very happy with me today. Regardless it was quite a treat after living on my husband's cooking (bless his heart.)

Enchiladas (makes 4-5 large enchiladas)
1 onion, or 3/4 a large onion (cut roughly)
1-2 bell peppers
around 4 button cap mushrooms
black beans
sweet corn
black olives
2-3 small roma tomatoes, 2 round tomatoes (depending on size)
Enchilada sauce (whatever you prefer, I buy the all-natural organic local sauce... so it's probably not available everywhere but I would advise watching for hydrolyzed soy protein and MSG listed as ingredients and other preservatives)
Large-standard size tortillas of your preference

(1) About a pound and a half of protein (beef, chicken, buffalo, tofu, or even spinach and cheese filling, protein is cooked with taco seasoning (again, watch for preservatives and flavor enhancers if it's a concern) and onions and some of the mushroom, and reserved.

(2) put the chopped bell pepper, tomatoes, onion, mushroom, olive, beans, and corn in the bottom of the pan and spoon in some of the enchilada sauce

(3) take the reserved meat and put into tortilla, fold into long enchilada, cover with sauce (like painting) and put cheese on top if desired

(4) Bake for 30 minutes (covered) and garnish with chopped green onions and cilantro, bake for another ten (uncovered)

But really this dish is as personal as one wants to make it. Easily substituted and removed if there are any food distastes or sensitivities.

Scarves of the Year

As promised, the scarves I have made this year.

View one is the entire collection:
White, Green: Garter stitch, 100% acrylic, Lion Brand Yarn "Homespun" (I don't like it personally but I got a great deal on it at Goodwill)
Pink/White: 100% Wool (very soft), garter stitch alternating color.
Brown: 100% undyed Wool (coarse but not overly so and very warm), garter stitch/ 3*3 seed stitch, and stockingnette with garter boarder (although that doesn't keep it from rolling.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Busy-ish and Some Treats

I guess I have been improving this week. There was only one night where I really had trouble getting to sleep... magnesium and taurine help a lot. I found an interesting article about how you need magnesium in order for vitamin-D to be properly converted into an active and useful form for the body. If not one might feel some side effects from taking it... which might explain why I always feel a little more anxious when I take vitamin D, possibly because I don't have enough magnesium... I don't have the link handy now but a simple google search turned it up.

Otherwise... it's the usual, school, knitting, and I went back to the Korean restaurant with a friend last night and we did karaoke. It's a little expensive but I understand every place has their upkeep costs and it was pretty fun. They had all the Japanese and English songs that I was interested in singing. I guess I've got to learn some Korean songs too to round it out a bit. If only I were a little better at singing.

I wanted to post some pictures of the knit scarves I've made throughout the summer and this fall as well as some enchiladas that I made tonight, but that will have to wait for another night. I'm feeling really tired... probably all the sleepless nights catching up with me.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Korean in Eugene

Yummy Dol-sotbap in Jeju, Korea

So while I'm woefully ignorant of Korean culture (especially with my quasi-literacy of Japanese culture considered)... I do know what Korean eats in Eugene I would classify as GOOD. And for the most part, I will be honest, they are ALL GOOD.

With that said, I will say that my favorite Korean eats in Eugene are as follows:

-Cafe Ari-rang: food and sweet owners
-Sushi Seoul: dry cleaning, food, karaoke, American, breakfast, lunch, dinner, late night, sweet owners
Backups: Cafe Seoul , Korea House, Noodle Bowl (people love noodle bowl, however, I personally prefer to go to the places where they state outright that they do not use MSG based on my sensitivities) I would say all of them have good service and usually there is a sweet owner-type figure around that really makes you feel at home. Not the feeling you get when you go to all the commercialized restaurants these days.

So I knew that there was this little area of Eugene that was suspiciously Korean. There was what looked like a basic sort of "go buy your lotto-ticket and get a philly-steak sandwich, coffee" kind of cafe by the supermarket I go to next to a dry-cleaning shop... when I noticed that there was a cryptic little message beside the door... that was a Korean menu where they had Korean food a few days of the week. Then, just a week ago, I noticed that the whole place had changed and the name was now "Sushi Seoul" The food is good~~~ extremely fresh and delicious side dishes (kim ch'i and various pickled things) My favorite for hot-stone bi-bim-bap (Korean vegetable rice with spicy sauce dish) is still Ari-Rang but theirs wasn't bad and the bulgogi was really good. So now they have Korean food all the time, they've added in sushi at dinnertime, and still have the American and cafe options going all day long. You can go there for breakfast, lunch, dinner... and if you're feeling especially rambunctious you can stay and get drunk and do karaoke into the night. Just know that it's a norae-bang. It's quite the multi-tasking establishment.

My husband would be so mad at me for writing this but I can't resist ;) Where is the harm in saying that it is "so Korean"... when it is? Of course, just like America, Korea is a lot of things so it's hard to put anything in a box like that. I mean, you can say, Red Robin is "so American", or around here we have a local chain gaining force called Dickie Jo's... I wouldn't feel offended... but that's because I have to answer the question so much "What is America?", "What is American culture" so much... and the more I answer the question the more difficult it becomes... so if anyone out there knows what American culture is, please let me know. It will really help me in my work.

On Depression, Anxiety, and Inflammation (LINK)

Human Interleukin-10, Wikimedia Commons
Yoon, S.I., Logsdon, N.J., Sheikh, F., Donnelly, R.P., Walter, M.R. Conformational changes mediate IL-10R2 binding to IL-10 and assembly of the signaling complex. J.Biol.Chem. , 2006
an anti-inflammatory human cytokine (the bad guys that make you feel sick when you catch a virus or your immune system is active) I was under the impression that cytokines are always bad guys in excess, but as with everything in the human body, it's all about a balance. Fascinating character, can't explain it better than wikipedia so I suggest you check there if you're interested.
Looking at it isn't gonna change your life, but for me it was nostalgic to look at the pig-tail "alpha helices" Doesn't look like there are any beta sheets going on... hummm (= __ -)

Not much to note. I get to keep working because I told my story and they took me at my word which is a relief because I do not want to have to scan a bunch of documents from doctors (getting the documents is enough of a struggle and doctors are busy enough... all the bureaucratic stuff must certainly be a hindrance to the overloaded system)

Tutoring was fun today. Slept ok. Slightly rough start but did ok and didn't feel like my mouth was going numb when I was trying to tutor today... no anxiety but I think I definitely have a 5-HTP related headache today and feel drugged, sleepy, and achy. Made it through my test but my head was hurrrrr-ting. Not a migraine or anything, I think it's definitely a side effect of the 5-HTP and all 5-HTPs little helpers (taurine, magnesium). Lunch and drinking water definitely HELPED with the headache. So adequate food and water is definitely a must while I'm on this stuff...

The things they do not take you in biology. I cannot tell you the degree of how exothermic or endothermic the binding of a protein to a cell receptor site is (I don't really care) but I'm definitely getting fluent at reading articles... and kind of feel a nostalgic sort of pangs when I read articles (such as the one linked below) and I see little protein model depictions... nostalgic pangs for biology class... it's too bad they make it so damn hard for people to succeed. And the immense frustration I feel that that is what science must be about... who cares if you can understand the bigger picture, if you are interested in specific research questions that are relevant to the times and needs of society... why should potential pioneers be turned away and disenfranchised because they do not fit into the painful molds that university's create to measure success? I've learned more in outside reading than I have ever learned in a lecture hall. Perhaps the base of my difficulty focusing on the subjects is my disinterest in what they force me to learn. And it's not even disinterest but I think the pressure and inflated importance placed on test performance... I can try to understand the abstract concepts or I can drill my faculties down to naught studying what feel like relative frivolities that show up on tests. Absolutely maddening to do 67 work when you feel like you have understanding.

Very interesting article... interesting that historically anti-depressant herbs... and even modern remedies... act as anti-inflammatories in the body. I do believe in the neuro-immune research that is coming out that is showing a lot of how vaccines do damage is getting somewhere. And don't even get me started on the environmental-endocrine hypothesis. And excitotoxins. I'll try to avoid falling into putting stock in conspiracy theories... (neither of the above mentioned are [conspiracy theories], although they can certainly lead one to think they are) but many do comethe notion (in error) that progress is positive and that the latest and greatest can't possibly pose to mind. I like to think the only evil thing at play here is man's despicable love of money...

Again I was actually able to tell something of a story in my blog today. It must mean that something is getting better.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Almost Normal

Almost normal today. Rough start as usual... still night sweaty but no panic last night (with the help of Ativan...)

Met with my functional doc and we'll try magnesium, 5-HTP, taurine, and l-threonine and see if that helps. I sure hope so. Today was almost normal. I'll leave it there before I start thinking of what might happen.

Then I found out I might get fired because I reduced my course load this term and in the heat of it all forgot to sound the alarm to the bureaucratic workings of the university... don't know what I'll do without my job... it's the only thing I have going for me. I guess I can show up to the job and just tell them to go ahead and not pay me. It's not like I quit my classes because I caught a cold or just decided I didn't want to take the classes... hopefully it can get sorted out. I really hope so.

Today I registered for three classes for next term. That is Japanese 4th year speaking part II, Korean 1st year part two (I really need to bite the bullet and learn Korean... I can understand a lot of speaking but can't express anything myself), and an Honors College Lit class. If I'm going to be stuck at uni for another year then I might as well just stay to write a thesis and finish the honors college classes despite my aversion.

Korean is pretty hard at my school... it's pretty project, activity, and memorization oriented but class is really the only thing that motivates me to study it even though I really want to learn so I can communicate with my husband's family. Japanese class really isn't that way... even when there are projects they are no way near as intense.

Look at that. I'm writing about something other than feeling sick. That must mean something is getting a little better.

But I'm really bent out of shape worrying if I will loose my job... I think my situation warrants and exception to the bureaucratic rule mumbo jumbo. I'd feel so guilty telling my student "I can't meet you anymore, I've been feeling sick, doctors can't tell me why, but I'm working on it... though I had to drop some classes..."... because I really like her and she thought highly enough of me to request me as a tutor this term. I suppose I would ask permission if I could just continue to tutor her without pay... if they want to stick to the rules that hard. But I really couldn't continue the classes. The first 4 weeks of school were just nuts and then the most recent 4 weeks have been more insanity and trying to recover. Even without studying though, I got 67 on my first bio exam and 65 on my first physics exams. I do know that I would've never been able to make it through looking at what the weeks since I dropped the classes have been like.

I thought I would have made a good doctor or naturopath. Or both. But I'm just not cut out for the bureaucratic requirements, course requirements, grade expectations. I don't function that way anymore. I can get through in subjects I have innate ability in such as foreign language (but that isn't so good because I have little contact with friends now... it's the horrible feeling of being an outsider in your own life...) My Japanese would be so much better but I haven't been able to go to International Coffee Hour once this term (the most lively meetings are the first in the term anyway, it peters out toward the end when the same old faces and same old groups of friends come together... much harder to get in to get to know people, maybe it's just something I imagine but it does feel harder when everyone already knows who they like to get drunk with on the weekend...) And I can't even keep up with the exchange students when I am feeling healthy... feel like you gotta be the one to initiate everything... they don't have the same course load (although I am sympathetic to the issues of adjustment, cultural differences, and perhaps not feeling comfortable just asking people to do things... they are out of their element... having a lot of fun... but still out of their elements)

Proof that I was happy once? Jan 1st, 2007, Ichinomiya, Aichi, Japan OSHOGATSU

And maybe deep down this whole time I really have just wanted to go back to Japan, or at least in my area of passion. Although I cannot say that I am not passionate about wanting to help people and see more right than wrong in this world, or at least look at the medical issues from different perspectives. There's deep conflict in my personality and ambitions... maybe it's because I'm two star-signs? But they sort of work together. Sagittarius/Scorpio. Sagittarius is always on the move and looking for action... and Scorpio is intense, vengeful, and perceptive. But I'll just have to put those things behind me. But I don't see how those elements couldn't work together.

Sorry about the wonky formatting... I couldn't figure out how to do away with the underline.

Cautiously optimistic that this might be turning around, cautiously. That does not mean that I am not freaked about what's been going on, the future, and what's going on with my job. But I really hope my boss trusts me and that there is something that can be done... I do have the documentation to prove that things have been going crazy.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Two Good Days and Backslide

I gave a homeopathic remedy from my naturopath a try the other day... along with the 5-HTP and basic multivitamin I've been taking and had a very good night Thursday...

Friday I felt basically normal... weak and tired... but basically almost normal. I rode my bike to school, went confidently to the grocery store before riding home and ate a slice of pizza. Probably no good... no documented gluten sensitivity yet but I guess even people without gluten sensitivity can be negatively affected by it. Who knows. Sick of thinking about the world so critically when I just want to live. I just want to eat whatever and go out with friends... although I'm basically estranged from all my friends right now.Kinda have what I don't feel is an unfounded suspicion that they just think of me as someone who "always doesn't feel good." And I get really sick of being a wet blanket... so I guess it's for the best that I'm so distanced from everyone right now. Everything seems to be falling into place for everyone. I remember that feeling in the past... but it just feels like such a distant memory... almost like none of those wonderful things ever happened. And I wouldn't want to ruin such beautiful feelings for anyone. Although I feel so crushingly alone. So guilty for my family having to go through this.

I had energy to pick some stuff up around the house... tend to my birds as I wish I'd been able to tend to them throughout this whole flare up... I felt holey moley the worst actually might be over. My dad came and we had a good night... able to eat dinner heartily and then watch a movie... then just go to sleep and fall asleep without further ado.

Saturday I also felt good although I craved onion rings in the worst way. I also had a hamburger. And I ate a bunch of snack foods... so many things I truly have no idea what triggered last night's set-back. And I was fine until I went to try to sleep and then so many symptoms came back and I felt just awful all throughout my body in ways the English language doesn't even really have words for. So I'll leave it at that. Couldn't sleep until I took .5mg of an Ativan at... 7:00 am.

This has got to end... uggh I just wish I knew what triggered this. I'm sick of feeling miserable and making everyone around me miserable. On Saturday (before the evening) I almost thought it was time to let all my friends know "Oh my gosh, I'm feeling better now! I think it's over... let's hang out... time to pretend it never happened" and that things would get back to normal.

But I guess all that is just a pipe dream.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

More Understanding

So, in my opinion, dysautonomia is a symptom. It's got lots of faces. The vaccines I received near graduation, I believe, were definitely precipitous of the issues-- resulting now in Chronic Fatigue Immunodeficiency (which is undiagnosed... although my Dr. is starting to mention that these problems sound like fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue... thus the attempts to balance neurotransmitters)

Neurotransmitters at ideal levels can help the sympathetic nervous system symptoms I'm having, and a Dr. Perrin who works with ME/CFS patients in England describes this quite clearly in these videos on Youtube. If you're interested, check them out (not sure who would be interested exactly, just throwing it out there)

Today is just "ok", raked some leaves, doing homework (well enough to do those things)

So knock yourselves out.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010


"I don't remember how that day started. I certainly didn't think my life would change at all. The day was the result of change. School had ended the day before, I'd gone home to do my normal chores and to sleep, and then I was awake again. Change can happen as simple as that-just closing your eyes, and opening them again. No matter what, when you open your eyes the world will not be the same as the world you left by shutting them."

From a story I wrote years ago, in high school. The opening paragraph. However, it sums up a lot of feelings I'm going through right now.

I went to my naturopath today. We're reassessing the situation and hopefully will be on the move soon. In the meanwhile, Ativan is the only thing that is bringing me some relief but it also drugs me and makes me feel as uncoordinated and wonky as I'm feeling in the first place.

I was able to make it through class and tutoring easily today, but still feeling much trepidation and worry about what's going to happen and if I will ever feel better or not.

Random Acrylic 75 %

Peace out.

Monday, November 8, 2010


Well. Tough tough week and weekend. Had a day off but then everything came back in force when my parents came down to visit and help out. I'm going to try the route of treating this as an anxiety problem because the only thing that helps my symptoms right now is Ativan. We'll try something longterm with 5-HTP instead of Celexa... which I think contributed to visual decline. Hopefully in a few days, a week, or a few weeks. I just want the symptoms to go away so that I don't have to worry about them.
Tonight is homework for Japanese class. Bummer that the site we have to go to to listen to listening files isn't working on the computers at my house. So I'll keep myself occupied with working on that. At least I finally found something with the ability to knock me out so I can get some sleep. and when I have good sleep, I have no night sweats. Win for weeks from now the 5-HTP will help control the anxiety.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Spoke too Soon


Well, seems like I spoke to soon yesterday. It was nice to have the brief moments of clarity... and then the feelings came over me all of a sudden at just about the time I got off the computer. Some things are starting to come into place for me... fear of MS or a brain tumor is lifting... but I definitely think there is something neurological to all of this.

I suspect dysautonomia. It's a confusion in the autonomic nervous system. That means things I used to take for granted, say, being able to wake up with a general idea of how I would feel throughout the day, and even the next day, are no longer guaranteed. Also why I have attacks of strange feelings that can be mistaken for anxiety. And of course, worrying about all of this certainly results in feeling anxious.

I found this website:
There are great articles in the resources section.

It's a little suspicious that with the exception of the Yellow Wiggle, all the affected there are pubescent girls and young women. Perhaps it has something to do with the developing female hormones and... childhood/young adult vacs...

My mother had similar although not as debilitating symptoms at my age.

Flares/Initiation of the disease are set off by a variety of factors, including viruses and chemical exposure. No surprise considering that I had a viral illness then was shot up with 3 vaccines containing neurotoxic activated aluminum... in conjunction with viral particle nasties, MSG, Polysorbate and other roach killers. ANYWAY this current flare followed an effort by a naturopath to get my immune system moving... and then it was going-going-gone... I had a bad seasonal flu virus... and the diet change. Had also been doing saunas and mineral baths that may have pulled some minerals out of my system, temporarily overloading it with prior stressors.

Things that make disorders in the dysautonomia family better? Well, salt (minerals), lots of water (i.e., enough blood pumping through the veins) Most people don't see improvement on the allopathic "medications." So here's to weathering this storm. Hopefully it will be over soon.

It's Friday and I feel regretful that I have not hung out with my friends but once this term when my friend invited me to his birthday party dine-in at his place. That was fun. Everyone's been busy. Can't blame people for not wanting to be around me.

I could ask my Dr. to tilt-table test me... but this test has been sufficiently completed at the dentist's office. Twice I visited the dentist this year. The first time I remember when I was tilted back I was fine, and then immediately I had the strangest feeling come over me. Like a panic attack, but for no reason. I am not afraid of the dentist. I sort of groaned a little because I wanted more than anything to sit up... hell... go ahead and perform the procedure but the position was killing me.

And then, the next time I visited the dentist this year (the filling wasn't perfect on my bite and I was getting holes in my bottom tooth) the exact same thing happened, luckily it was a shorter procedure.

And laying down in bed, especially if my pillow is not big enough, is often an ordeal. I'm not going to deny that there isn't a definite anxiety component to this BUT I do know there is something more than anxiety alone at play here. And don't try to tell me its some kind of mistaken notion. Thanks to this flare up I've got to go back to all the "cognitive behavioral" stuff... trying to turn my thoughts around. And I guess even take celexa again (although if my problem is with blood pressure I don't know how that would do anything to help.) My blood pressure is consistently low low low at the drs office and my heart rate always consistently high high high.

Why couldn't it just be something simple... like a broken arm... that people know how to fix...

My horoscope is right. The change has to be inside of me.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Some Fog has Cleared

Been a few days since I wrote here *gasp*.

My parents came down for the weekend to help me out, had a good day on Saturday, a little off on Sunday, and then until today this week has been pretty hard. Even this morning was really rough. Lot's of doctor's appointments. Good news is the cyst probably won't need surgery, it is probably already on its way to recovery. There is a check-up coming after the end of the term to make sure it goes away.

I am off progesterone for the time being... after my functional med dr. said the dose was way too high... no wonder I was having side effects from it. And my cycle has began for the first time in about a month and a half. At least the progesterone works to jump start things... however getting the right dose is tricky. As expected, I am encouraged to go on synthetic hormone bcps because of the PCOS (not by the functional med dr.) but if keeping my weight low and working on diet, insulin resistance and such will keep the cycle regular, I prefer that method. Because I feel sicker around my cycle I'm cautiously optimistic that things will turn around after this week. Now I know how werewolves are. Except these symptoms make me feel more like a were-human.

I'm getting tested for leaky gut and parasites. Getting the samples ready is kind of a pain in the butt.

Mom watered the seed in my head that I might have a brain tumor, although my strongest suspicion is still that the vaccine did something to my immune system. Maybe my immune system is finally calming down. Glands under my tongue that have been swollen for months have gone down slightly since my cycle began. I was also having night sweats... and horrible anxiety this week. Very much like in Japan. I don't know if it feels worse because it is worse or worse because I'm more comfortable around my family and in Japan I had to do my very best to pull myself together for my host family and as a scholarship student I had many commitments and events (such as going to tour the Mazda factory.) Very exciting time in my life, but also a very scary one. And even though I'm scared that it may be a brain tumor or MS or something, my symptoms don't completely fit that picture... looks like an as of yet misunderstood immune reaction. It's not all that implausible... vaccines have been discontinued when they have done similar things to the public. One that I discovered is Lymerix, the vaccine for Lyme disease which is no longer out in public because of the extremely high rate of people having reactions to it. Oh if I had a billion dollars, there would have to be some research in the area of reversing vaccine damage or more understanding on what appear to be autoimmune responses.

Or, this reaction could very well be the symptoms provoke great anxiety which in turn causes and exacerbates the symptoms. This is a tough nut to crack.

The mechanism of injury for the Lymerix vaccine appeared to be the inclusion of the lyme protein itself... probably the reason that lyme disease is so devastating because the proteins of the infections agents (besides the special tricks the bacterium can play) mimic the proteins of tissues. The immune system forms a memory of that protein (amino acid sequence) and then the cells in the system designed to target the bacterium are confused and start doing their job on tissues of the body! How confusing!

Theories are the same as Epstein Barr Virus linked to Multiple Sclerosis. Generally, any immune reaction puts an individual at risk for Guillian Barre. I'm going to look into what naturopathy does about autoimmune illnesses, although it seems that as naturopathic methods are natural, they aim to stimulate the immune system. That process is a little dangerous in those with these "bad memories" in their immune cells... which is why I'm sure I had a flare of this after having my immune system stimulated. And now that I'm getting run down... I truly hope I can go back to just being a worn down version of myself instead of completely nuts. Just the anxiety is sickening.

Also can report that I test negative for all the classic autoimmune diseases: RA and Lupus. Sed rates don't show that anything is going on, but I'm certainly weakened by the nausea, weight loss, anxiety, lack of appetite and so on and so forth. But feeling more optimistic because I'm feeling better tonight. Getting worried because I can make it through a great day and crash at night... hopefully not tonight... because the anxiety meds just don't really help.

Actually feeling a little like knitting tonight and watching some TV shows with my hubby... this is improvement. Made it through class and my mind for homework has somewhat come back. No more immune stimulation for me after this episode.

Walking down memory lane... pictures are from my trip to the Mazda main headquarters in Hiroshima Japan in the midst of my first health crisis after getting the vaccine. Part symptoms, part anxiety... so much I didn't know. I do believe it was a beautiful experience, but can't help but feel bittnerness that the magnitude of that beauty was affected by that vaccine... I guess i'm working on coming to terms with it.

My Momiji Racer design won that day for the car design contest~~~ (But really, the true prize was being able to go to Japan, I would have never been able to afford the study abroad without the scholarship I received) momiji is maple leaf, which is a symbol of Hiroshima/Miyajima. One of the popular local souvenirs is momiji manjuu or Maple Leaf shaped dessert buns. There's nothing quite like eating one straight from Nishikido

A little write-up in the local paper

With Ryuga, Mazda's concept car. Just like all the ones you see in magazines.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

On Mercury Detox

Good website detailing mercury detox protocol. I'm not about to do anything by myself because I'm afraid there will be further exacerbations. Same for anyone out there looking for help. Don't do it alone. Anything is worth a try. First stop: building up my nutrition. Kinda tough now because I have no appetite. It really feels just like when I got sick in summer 2007. I remember I would have fitful, very scared nights. I feel tremendous guilt for putting my host families through that. On top of that, whatever is going on with my system has my hormones really out of whack and I have all the symptoms of PMDD. Seeing my PCP on Monday but pretty sure I'll just get sent out with a perscription for allergy med and SSRI... good thing I'm also seeing someone who might be interested in doing some functional analysis. It's a mystery.

Hopefully I'll go back to my normal level of sub-functioning soon and no permanent damage is being done. Toxicities can mimic MS... and perhaps MS is a misdiagnosed form of environmental toxicity. Just a theory that should be investigated. Anyway, the point is people have exacerbations but there are also pseudo-exacerbations. Once the inflammation goes away, given time and extended periods of health, the brain has the proven ability to regenerate and heal itself, or redirect messages through areas of the brain that are not damaged. If damage occurs in the spine the same flexibility isn't there...

Gee I wish this is what they taught in biology class. I would have got better grades. But when I was in biology class we were learning about the amino acids (yay histidine... histamine.. all this stuff...) but I didn't get far enough to study how it all actually worked.

Ingredients in the Vaccines I had prior to everything changing:

Gardasil: (from link Dang that off the radar site is good. It also makes sense with the link I posted yesterday about why putting histidine in with all these toxins is simply not a good idea.

Aluminum 225mcg

Animal and human studies have shown aluminum can cause nerve cell death and that vaccine aluminum adjuvants can allow aluminum to enter the brain, as well as cause inflammation at the injection site leading to chronic joint and muscle pain as well as fatigue.

Sodium Borate 35mcg

This is the main ingredient in Boric Acid. Powdered Boric Acid is often used to kill cockroaches. Sodium Borate is now listed as a dangerous poison. Symptons of Sodium Borate poisoning are very similar to many of the side effects being reported with the Gardasil vaccine.

Polysorbate 80 50mcg

Although Polysorbate 80 is a food additive that enables solubility of flavouring oils with water, injection is quite different. Polysorbate 80 injected into prepubescent rats caused a rapid growth of reproductive organs, but growth was abnormal and the rats were sterile, unable to have children. When used intravenously with vitamins it has been known to cause anaphylactic shock. According to the Polysorbate 80 MSDS, it may be a carcinogenic, (cause cancer), as well as a mutagenic, (birth defects).

L-histidine 0.78mcg

L-histidine is an essential amino acid which is a precursor to allergic reactions. It stimulates the inflammatory response of skin and mucous membranes (one possible cause of the allergic reactions reported). It is also responsible for forming metal bearing enzymes (such as the toxic metal storage protein metallothionein). Metals such as zinc, copper, and nickel are transported by binding to L-histidine and the binding is essential for excretion of excess heavy metals. Many parents of autistic children are quite familiar with Metallothionein and MT deficiency.

Sodium Chloride 9.56mcg

Common salt

Yeast Protein 7mcg

This is a hidden form of MSG, as it creates synthetic free glutamic acid in the processing, which in simpler terms is MSG. Most vaccines contain some hidden form of MSG (eg hydrolysed gelatin) as this feeds the live virus.


5oo mcg Aluminum

Hepatitis Vaccine:
Formaldehyde. 2.66 mcg

Couldn't really find the ingredients for the other two vaccines. They're pretty well hidden. It doesn't look like I was exposed to Thimerosal but I'm sure I was as a child as I made it through all the scheduled shots without issue. Just need to keep telling myself that I have recovered from this before therefore I should be able to recover from this again. 頑張ろうね。

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Detox Pesto

Not sure this will work out but it's worth a try... found it at


This pesto is a very good detox for the body and it's so easy to make.

Heavy Metal Detox Pesto

Cilantro/Coriander Chelation Pesto

Heavy-metal poisoning is rampant. It is a major cause of hormonal imbalances, cancer, thyroid problems, neurological disturbances, learning problems, depression food allergies, and parasites.

Cilantro -- also known as coriander or Chinese parsley -- has been proven to chelate toxic metals from our bodies in a relatively short period of time. (The word chelate comes from the Greek word for claw, and describes a process which acts to engulf and then enable the removal of a highly reactive toxic mineral.)

Combined with the benefits of the other ingredients, the following recipe for Cilantro Chelation Pesto is a powerful tissue cleanser. It is not only easy to make, but also really tasty. It's delicious on toast, baked potatoes, and pasta.

Two teaspoons of this cilantro pesto daily for three weeks is purportedly enough to increase the urinary excretion of mercury, lead, and aluminum, thus effectively removing these toxic metals from our bodies. Consider doing this cleanse for three weeks at least once a year.

a.. 4 cloves garlic

b.. 1/3 cup Brazil nuts (selenium source)

c.. 1/3 cup sunflower seeds (cysteine source)

d.. 1/3 cup pumpkin seeds (zinc, magnesium sources)

e.. 2 cups packed fresh cilantro (coriander, Chinese parsley) (Vitamin A source)

f.. 2/3 cup flaxseed oil

g.. 4 tablespoons lemon juice (Vitamin C source)

h. Bragg's Liquid Aminos

Process the cilantro and flaxseed oil in a blender until the cilantro is chopped. Add the garlic, nuts, and seeds, dulse and lemon juice and mix until the mixture is finely blended into a paste. Add a squirt of Bragg's Liquid Aminos to taste and blend again. Store in dark glass jars if possible. It freezes well, so purchase cilantro in season and fill enough jars to last through the year.

Articles I Don't Want to Forget

They are all accessible from the page.
Smart lady. My hero.

Feeling awful this evening. Lots of brain fog and whole left side feels strange.


Well. Was feelin a bit better when I woke up... got to sleep last night finally. Progesterone cream helped knock me out. Mum says according to her research it was used as an anti-seizure in the past.

Actually picked up a few things around the house this morning... but then the chest pain started again. Need to get the negative thoughts out of my head such as, "what is the incidence of heart worm in humans...?"

Let's just hope that I survived the first bad flare of this (almost four years ago xD )... so maybe I can survive this time too.

Looking at pictures that make me happy and trying to figure out. And now I have all this time on my hands to try to contact people going through the same thing and find out what works and what doesn't.


There's my bird Tink. She's a sort of yellow-pearl cockatiel. I wouldn't say that she's a lutino... just somethin really unique about her and the friendliest cockatiel I've met. Except I have a cockatiel Popcorn whose previous owner looked like my dad and she is sooo friendly to him. I'm pretty sure she thinks he's her mate. Just wanted to brighten up my blog a bit.